| The Official Guildbook 2004 Reprint 2005 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
 Greetings Discordians, A long time ago, perhaps almost a year, I put together this little babbling of bullshit called a guild guidebook, cabal guildbook, guide cabalbook, guildbook of gobble-di-gook, grovelling bulls reading books while being whipped with cabals. Or something like that. ANYWAY it was once to be found in the Moonkeep Sanctuary for the Bookworm on its Bum, aka the Library in the guildhouse, back in those days when the guild actually HAD a GH. To cut an insanely long story short: The rent wasn't paid and we had a big big pissup on the roof of the guildhouse, the locals mistook this as some sort of satanic ritual; the riots broke out and the place was eventually sacked, burnt and razed to the ground by the local populace who were shouting "Heretics! Heathens!" for some strange reason.. It wasn't a Satanic ritual, no no.. it was an Erisian Ritual! From its flaming wreckage and debri I managed to salvage a single copy which had been licked with flame though amazingly survived the ordeal which was when I buried it in the most unlikely of hiding places where none, not even the bravest, would dare enter: The Arm-Pit of Hermes Trimegisto. A perilous journey it was into the nether regions of this beasts anatomy, where I delved beyond dark and doom back and fro twice to recover these precious contents before discovering that I could have actually just asked him to get them himself. Luckily, no hysterical right-wing fanatic had dared to venture into this Pit of Death while the burnings and the massacres continued but were eventually abated by a gang of small yapping dogs being carried in the arms of rich blonde hotel heiresses. So without further ado and to celebrate the 1 Year Anniversary of our famous guild, one of the few to start up in its time and easily the silliest to have ever existed; I present to you this treatise on Erisianism-ationisticmetamystikhoodness  Small Print: Any similarities of names, places or stories held between this book and that of any other written material anywhere else in the universe is purely coincidental and without deliberate thought. No polymerical gungeric twingihedrons are to be considered similar unless they are stories, written anywhere in the universe, suspended with fishhooks and dipped in batter for all the coincidences to be seen. [Edited by Akasha Dumakitan 16.05.2005 20:03 CEST] ________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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 16.05.2005
19:45 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
Chapter
I The Official Guidebook for The League of Dynamic Discord Wherein is Explained Absolutely Everything Worth Knowing About Absolutely Anything Regarding the League of Dynamic Discord Chapter I Compiled by Her Highest Holy Cabbage of the Patch Lady Akasha Dumakitan, High Priestess, LODD, KSC. HAIL ERIS! -><- Kallisti -><- ALL HAIL DISCORDIA! "Be Ye Not Lost Among Precepts of Order..." THE BOOK OF UTERUS 1;5 -><- LODD is one manifestation of THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY about which you will learn more and understand less We are a tribe of philosophers, theologians, magicians, scientists, artists, clowns, and similar maniacs who are intrigued with ERIS GODDESS OF CONFUSION and with Her Doings And so ends Chapter I ________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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| 16.05.2005
19:46 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
Chapter
II The Official Guidebook for The League of Dynamic Discord Chapter II "No two equals are the same!" AN EPISKOPOS OF THE DISCORDIAN SOCIETY is one who prefers total autonomy, and creates his own Discordian sect as The Goddess directs him. He speaks for himself and for those that say that they like what he says. Some Episkopos have a one-man cabal. Some work together. Some never do explain. If you want in on the Discordian Society then declare yourself what you wish do what you like and tell us about it or if you prefer don't. The Golden Apple Corps is an honorary position for the Keepers of The Sacred Chao, so that they can put "KSC" after their names. It says little, does less, means nothing. HOLY NAMES Discordians have a tradit- ion of assuming HOLY NAMES. This is not unique with Erisianism, of course. I suppose that Pope Paul is the son of Mr. and Mrs. VI? "Bullshit makes the flowers grow & that's beautiful." Thus ends Chapter II ________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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| 16.05.2005
19:48 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
Chapter
III The Official Guidebook for The League of Dynamic Discord Chapter III KNOW YE THIS O MAN OF FAITH! I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm. II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System. III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns). IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub. V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing what he reads. IT IS SO WRITTEN! SO BE IT. HAIL DISCORDIA! PROSECUTORS WILL BE TRANSGRESSICUTED. Thus ends Chapter III ________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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| 16.05.2005
19:50 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
Chapter
IV The Official Guidebook for The League of Dynamic Discord Chapter IV "No girdle ever cured a pregnancy" ON PRAYER Mal-2 was once asked by one of his Disciples if he often prayed to Eris. He replied with these words: No, we Erisians seldom pray, it is much too dangerous. Charles Fort has listed many factual incidences of ignorant people confronted with, say, a drought, and then praying fervently -- and then getting the entire village wiped out in a torrential flood. The Law of Fives The Law of Fives is one of the oldest Erisian Mysterees. It was first revealed to Good Lord Omar and is one of the great contributions to come from The Hidden Temple of The Happy Jesus. POEE subscribes to the Law of Fives of Omar's sect. And POEE also recognizes the holy 23 (2+3=5) that is incorporated by Episkopos Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, KNS, into his Discordian sect, The Ancient Illuminated Seers of Bavaria. The Law of Fives states simply that: ALL THINGS HAPPEN IN FIVES, OR ARE DIVISIBLE BY OR ARE MULTIPLES OF FIVE, OR ARE SOMEHOW DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY APPROPRIATE TO 5. The Law of Fives is never wrong. In the Erisian Archives is an old memo from Omar to Mal-2: "I find the Law of Fives to be more and more manifest the harder I look." "Remember: KING KONG Died For Your Sins" "Fliegende Kinderscheisse!" 14. Wipe thine ass with what is written and grin like a ninny at what is Spoken. Take thine refuge with thine wine in the Nothing behind Everything, as you hurry along the Path. THE PURPLE SAGE HBT; The Book of Predictions, Chap. 19 "It is my firm belief that it is a mistake to hold firm beliefs." "Surrealism aims at the total transformation of the mind and all that resembles it." - Breton "Common sense is what tells you that the world is flat." "In conclusion, there is no conclusion. Things go on as they always have, getting weirder all the time." - Robert Anton Wilson, International Arms and Hashish Inc. Darra Bazar, Kohat ________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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| 16.05.2005
19:52 |
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| Hermes
Trimegisto Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 31 Episkopos of the League of Dynamic Discord (Uncle Scrooge) Posts: 440 |
Originally posted by Akasha Dumakitan on 16.05.2005 19:45 CEST : > From its flaming wreckage and debri I managed to > salvage a single copy which had been licked with > flame though amazingly survived the ordeal which was > when I buried it in the most unlikely of hiding > places where none, not even the bravest, would dare > enter: The Arm-Pit of Hermes Trimegisto. 
could you repeat this slowly in english please???
I only got half of it ________________ "It is true, without lie, it is certain and very true: that what is below, is like what is above, and what is above is like what is below, to the fullfilment of the wonders of the Unique Thing" |
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| 16.05.2005
21:22 |
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| Zinina Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Elder Druid Level: 36 The Oracle of the League of Dynamic Discord (The Supreme Goddess) Posts: 163 |
Just read slower, Hermes..  Thanks a lot Akasha, I enjoyed reading all this, and I definitely remember that shindig at the rooftop of Moonkeep when we tore the whole building down...  |
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| 17.05.2005
11:15 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
Originally posted by Zinina on 17.05.2005 11:15 CEST : > Just read slower, Hermes.. Sorry Hermes but the use of my good english was quite deliberate with that posting. Grammatically, its a bit shoddy but it has a general flow that can be followed, if slowly digested. > Thanks a lot Akasha, I enjoyed reading all this, and > I definitely remember that shindig at the rooftop of > Moonkeep when we tore the whole building down... Yes, that was alot of fun I especially remember the huge amounts of alcohol going around and the endless food we all ate around the fire, coupled with a speech from myself which seemed to go on forever (I was drunk! What do you expect?) about the life and times of LoDD up until that point. We also had one or two members from our sister-guild at that time (can anyone remember their name? I feel bad that I can't.. I only remember that Dymna was a Vice-Leader for them) who were close to getting their own GH. Alas, those days were glorious! I hope that we should see such days again.... Many pizza's and floating guru's, Akasha. ________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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| 20.05.2005
18:39 |
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| Newcastle
knight Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Royal Paladin Level: 35 Episkopos of the League of Dynamic Discord (The Accursed) Posts: 188 |
basically hermes, you need to wash your pits more often, so we can fid the things we store there quicker. and to save beds in the local hospitals :P ________________ noobs. not one of gods better ideas |
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| 27.05.2005
10:39 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
lol!! But if his armpits were clean, then we would have lost the books for sure! It was either his armpits or the murky depths of that river which runs next to Moonkeep. The books would have become fish food and then we would have some overgrown and mutated chaos-fish walking around biting peoples heads off.. not a good thing.. Only the overpowering aura and aroma of Hermes' armpits was safe enough to preserve the safety of the books.. and praise be to Eris that this was so Hail Hermes! All Hail His Armpits! ________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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| 27.05.2005
15:43 |
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| Hermes
Trimegisto Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 31 Episkopos of the League of Dynamic Discord (Uncle Scrooge) Posts: 440 |
-smells himself- I don't stink!!!  -smells himself- Do i?????  -smells himself- ________________ "It is true, without lie, it is certain and very true: that what is below, is like what is above, and what is above is like what is below, to the fullfilment of the wonders of the Unique Thing" |
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| 27.05.2005
17:17 |
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| Akasha
Dumakitan Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Sorcerer Level: 20 Almighty Akasha of the League of Dynamic Discord (Avatar of Eris) Posts: 127 |
hhehehe.. i wouldnt know hermes, i honestly wouldnt.. ive always pinched my nose! hehehe .. but by reading what was said about your armpits, there have been no suggestions that the dark abyss of your pits actually stink perhaps you're trying to tell us something here?
________________ Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted. http://www.principiadiscordia.com/ |
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| 27.05.2005
19:20 |
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| Hermes
Trimegisto Inhabitant of Harmonia Profession: Master Sorcerer Level: 31 Episkopos of the League of Dynamic Discord (Uncle Scrooge) Posts: 440 |
Originally posted by Akasha Dumakitan on 27.05.2005 19:20 CEST : > perhaps you're trying to tell us something here? > I'll talk to Eris about this, just you all wait!!! ________________ "It is true, without lie, it is certain and very true: that what is below, is like what is above, and what is above is like what is below, to the fullfilment of the wonders of the Unique Thing" |
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| 27.05.2005
19:37 |
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